Can you cook?

Before I went back to Japan I got asked by friends to write a bit more about cultural similarities and differences I recognise between the Japanese and German culture, or at least the culture I was exposed to in Germany.
It is kind of difficult to write about "general" cultural things and on the other hand try to avoid putting all Japanese in the same box. So readers, please be reminded that things that have been written down here are not supposed to be seen as generalised "truth" but rather the personal experience of a young male foreigner with his own cultural background in a small town in Chuukoku, Japan.

When ever I bring my own, simple cooked meal to Uni that may has some green and reddish colour in it (so a different colour from white rice) male students in the Lab ask me if my girlfriend has made that for me. The first time when a student asked that to me I looked up on him, not sure if he really can't imagine me cooking, or whether he wants to insult me. I answered to him that of course I have done that by myslef and the reactions are often the quite the same: surprise! Apparently, young male Japanese who are able to cook or at least cook their own meals are a rare species in Japan. Close to my desk sit two Japanese students, both male: one is cooking sometimes simple meals for himself, which I consider as cooking (definitely, compared to my simple daily cuisine), but sometimes he will buy already prepared food in convenient stores. The other guys has not even a fridge in his place and no one lives in the city who would cook a daily meal for him, so he is regularly going in to the campus refectory (for lunch and dinner) and his breakfast lays every morning ready in the convenient store on his way to Uni. He says about himself that he can not cook at all, so he might be a rather extreme example of a not-cooking Japanese student.

However, girls on the other hand are often seen with their own "Obento", a lunch box prepared at home. Girls I have talked to are normally showing off with their skills of cooking and baking, blogging and posting pictures and often thinking about the next meal. The latter point is quite often seen among Japanese - even right after lunch the mind wanders to the next meal - dinner and which delicious combinations of ingredients could be arranged. Something I never experience in any other country. Japanese love food and they live it; but more about this an other time.

The reason for this imbalance in cooking skills among male and female student may lay in the way Japanese are raised. It appears to me that many families don't educate young guys in the preparation of food, especially if one of the children is a daughter. Girls often need to help her mother preparing dinner or lunch and learn how to cook in that way while guys get literally spoiled.

The conservative gender-based roles of man and women occur to me sometimes in my daily life: for instance did I pick up the dirty dishes after breakfast in my girl friends house while her grandma was just stepping by. My girlfriend was still sitting at the table, dreaming and still a bit tired, and it was for me the most natural thing to stand up, clean the table and wash the dishes especially since she had prepared the meal. Her grandma saw it and said to her that "it is opposite!", which basically means she expected her to stand up and wash the dishes while I keep sitting at the table.

So far I have not heard of a husband cooking (in a daily base) for it's family, where as in Germany the husband is quite often preparing dinner, or lunch at the weekends.  Even though Germany has no complete gender-biased free working system is it quite usual for both parents to work. In Japan it is usual for a girl to quite her job after three to seven year of working, stay at home and raise the children - Europe, 40 years ago. I don't want to discuss about whether it is good for the kids when the mother stays at home or not; but I just want to point out, that in the Japanese society and under the current family system a Japanese boy is not required to be able to cook or to know how to have his own household (so far everyone is wearing clean cloth!!). The mother gave it to their sons and sons will look for girls who may cook for them later, which will lead to an continuous chain. During the BBQ Party in Hyogo the male guests introduced their wifes with the word "家内" (Kanai), which basically means literally housewife. My young friends who were with me at the party whispered to me that this is nowadays a rude way to introduce your wife, but for the older generations which mean the generation of my own parents it seemed to be quite normal and socially expectable. Apparently young people start to think differently and noticing the gender discrimination more. Hopefully a process that started in Europe and America with the generation of my parents is now going to happen in Japan with the current generation of students!

As I mentioned above: complete meals and "Obentou" boxes can be already purchased in the supermarket, so everything you need to to is walking into an convenient store and choose an Obentou between 350 to 800 or more Yen with things in it you like. Often a bit of rice, varieties of vegetables, and some meat or fish. These boxes are indeed really convenient of you need a healthy, well balanced lunch box.

However, there are some guys I know who can cook and the reason why they eat every day in University cafeteria may lay in their laziness or some where else. For me it was just surprise what some people expected (from me) and what their image of a "guy" is.

One of the birthday dishes my girlfriend prepared for me.

A surprise Bentou box from Machi!

One of my simple meals (deluxe edition - since it has a Miso-soupe included) (^.~)